Monday, April 18, 2011

Neverending story

Too much on my mind ...confused as all hell.......but I'm trying to make the bet out of crappy situations. Lately my head has been elsewhere, while my body was forced to keep on thinking about others and how to make the ones around me happy. Which is what i'm supposed to do but why wasn't I happy in the process.  Being sad and miserable is a horrible way to live your life, i know this but yet i can't seem to turn this frown upside down, when i try everything just gets all twisted.Just when things would seem good, everything was crashing around me.  My sister had her wedding this past weekend. I had soo much fun and really enjoyed my time being part of the bridal party. I couldn't be more happy for her and her husband.... wow they have only been together for eleven years  and have three kids together LOL But the day was awesome. Despite all the rain and wind we had a beautiful outcome and a great time!  can't wait to see all the pictures.
No offense though I'm so glad this wedding is over! There has been way too much drama, time, money and tears during the last few months. My relationship with my boyfriend has suffered, my mental state has suffered and certain friendships are finished. I don't know how to quite explain everything but i know since i have not written down anything that i have been feeling lately has been making me feel worse. I don't have anybody to confide in that i trust enough to understand and i don't know how to find the right words to talk to my bf without starting any fights. Because thats how we have been living. Like walking on eggshells around eachother and that just makes me wanna cry. I love this man I will always love him but the strains on our relationship right now are testing us to the max. I think we have about exceeded our limit. We will come out stronger on the other side because in reality its just miss communications and my issue has finally become clear to me, I have no control over what has been and is happening in our lives. I have to learn how to accept it and deal or find another way to cope. Me and the Boy are better off with eachother, we are better parents together. So for now i just keep on living and doing what i do best,,,, Be a momma because without my lil slug a bug... I wouldn't be where I am today even though the times today makes living tough... we are survivors and thats what I have always been.

No comments:

Post a Comment